when weirdos fake vlog

I guess Wednesday is my Blog Day.  I could be using this day to catch up on homework or write my paper that’s due tomorrow at 2 or mopping the kitchen floor, but instead I’ve been

• watching Food Network (as per usual)
• researching Hedgehog Cage Setups 
• watching everyone’s vlogs

Apparently today is 20SB’s 2nd Vlog (How do you pronounce this? Vee-log? V’log?) Day. I want to do it, but firstly, I don’t have a webcam or a working camera with video-recording capabilities, and nextly, today I look like Butt Personified (haven’t brushed teeth yet; see also: Food Network, Hedgie Cages), and that’s not really the image I want to present to the 20SB community. So I’ve created this Vlog Day Transcript–what I would be saying/doing if I had the resources, motivation, and hygiene habits to participate today. Enjoy!

FADE IN. MELOOGAL sits in a red plush velvet reading chair. THAT SONG FROM MONSTERPIECE THEATER plays softly in the background.

MELOOGAL
Welcome. This afternoon we shall delve into the inner workings of the human psyche, as I perform a dramatic reading of the inimitable “What a piece of work is man” soliloquy from William Shakespeare’s masterpiece, Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark. 

Cut to green screen, the backdrop an alternating sequence of Olympian gymnasts in slow motion, farmers laboring in the fields, and a cellist performing something that looks difficult. MELOOGAL re-emerges, dressed now in a black tunic. 

MELOOGAL
What a piece of work is a man–how noble in reason, how
infinite in faculties! In form and moving: how express and
admirable! In action: how like an angel! In apprehension: how like
a god! The beauty of the world–the paragon of animals—and yet,
to me, what is this quintessence of dust?

ZOMBIE
Blarrrrrr.

MELOOGAL
WTF MATE!

ZOMBIE
BLarrRr. BbrAAAiNS.

MELOOGAL
The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us! Save yourselves!

ZOMBIE lunges at MELOOGAL. Snow. 

Fade out.

***

Hm. Too macabre? 

 

Why Life Is Amazing Right Now

I just wanted to announce to everyone that I’m currently enrolled in The Best Class Ever.

“The Beatles And Their World.” That’s the name of the class. Here’s the first two sentences of the syllabus:

The lives and music of the Beatles reflect profound cultural changes that followed the Great Depression and World War II.  The extraordinary transformation of this musical group from a locally popular Liverpool cover band to one of the most famous and influential groups of all time offers insight into our modern world.  

I had my first paper due on Tuesday, and I hemmed and hawed about it until I realized–I’m writing about The Beatles. Not the Canterbury Tales. Not literary theory. A BAND. A band that I love.

Life could be worse, in my opinion. 

Life could definitely be worse. Here’s a little essay entitled Why Life Is Amazing Right Now:

First- my little sister, let’s call her Melanoogal, is coming to visit me for three-or-possibly-four days! We’re going to go to the mall, eat chocolate-chip-and-peanut-butter pancakes, and make a lot of food that is definitely not Weight-Watchers friendly. 

**

Also- In my absence I have been working to make my relatively new (yet unbelievably intense) obsession with owning a pet hedgehog a reality. I think they are adorable, unique, and adorable. And adorable. Did I say adorable? Trying to find one, though, resulted in what is now known as The Hedgie Debacle. I’ll be dedicating an entire post to THD soon. 

Anyway, two days ago a breeder finally got back to me! Her hogs had a litter in December and are having another one in the near future–and I’m on the list to get one of the babies! Exclamation points!!!!! 

**

Thirdly- I got an award from my favorite dramaramablogga (whoa.) Angela! My first one ever! More exclamation points!!!! I’ll be paying it forward in another post.

Behold: The Lemonade Award

**

Lastly- Life Is Amazing Right Now because OMG, it’s Girl Scout Cookie season.

O.M.G. I think everyone can agree that Girl Scout cookies are the one reliably wonderful thing left that we can cling to in these Fragile Times. 

Since coming to college, I have learned some things about Girl Scout Cookies, or as I call them, Manna From Heaven.

Thing One: A lot of cookies have different names depending on the district/region (?) they’re being sold in. I was so upset when I rushed the Girl Scout table at the mall searching for my faves (Tagalongs, Do-si-dos, or Samoas [ohhh, Samoas. I dream of Samoas]), and instead found, like. These weird knock-off things with boring names: Peanut Butter Sandwich? Caramel Delite? What was this trickery!? I was assured by the (probably startled) Girl Scouts that they were the exact. Same. Thing. And all was right with the world. 

Thing Two: Whenever I find out it’s cookie season, I basically troll the supermarkets and strip malls in my town (and all surrounding towns)  for Girl Scouts selling cookies. I semi-stalk the Cookie. I’m not ashamed to admit this. But it was recently brought to my attention that you can now place an order online! I think we all know where my next paycheck is going.

OH WAIT. No paycheck. Crappy economy. “Downsizing.” 

I think we all know where Matt’s next paycheck is going.

Delicious.

What’s your favorite Girl Scout Cookie? Tell you what, if I get 15 comments on this entry, I’ll have a random drawing, and that commenter will be sent a special Girl-Scout-Cookie-related surprise. It’s a real-life AIB contest. Tell your friends!

Good luck!