you’re looking at the blog of a person with a JOB.

Almost everyone who reads this blog already knows this already, but I’ll post the announcement here, just because I love saying it:

The library offered me a job.

As in, the Director of the library pulled me out of my shift, sat me down in his office, and said “We’d like to offer you a position.”

I can’t believe I didn’t hug him and jump up and down and scream YOU’RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND OKAY? Instead I very calmly (but enthusiastically) listened to the details and answered his questions about hours and availability (HOURS! AND! AVAILABILITY!!!), nodding often and speaking very little.

The details are kind of underwhelming. The job is:

• a temp position — from now until the end of February. (But there were hints that if the library’s economic situation doesn’t change too drastically, I could be offered a permanent position at the end!)
• not much of a status change; I’m still a lowly clerk, cutting crafts and checking out books.
• getting me into three more departments: the Computer Lab/IT, Circulation, and Administration. I’ll be working a couple hours a week in each department as well as in Youth Services.
• 20-25 hours a week, so it’s a part-time job, and the pay isn’t much, but honestly, it feels like I won the lottery.

Dudes, this is my first post-college job. Oh wait…OK, this is my first post-college job that doesn’t involve making sandwiches. I can’t believe this is happening. The library’s already given me so much. I first met Alice and the Duchess and the White Rabbit in the pages of a library book. The first copy of Rent I listened to was property of the library. Then I graduated from college and came home feeling lost, wondering idly about becoming a librarian but too paralyzed by my TeacherFail to move forward. And the library gave me experience. It gave me Real Voices From LibraryLand. And now here I am, sure of myself, knowing with 100% of myself that I want to be a librarian, I AM a librarian, I always have been.

And now it’s given me a job. I simply can’t believe it, that this is my story. I haven’t felt like the world was busted open this wide since I decided to drop my Ed major. I’m beginning to feel like — wait for it — I’m gonna make it after all.

State of the Union

So,  here’s a massive update to make up for the lack of regular posting. You’re WELCOME.

Bagel Place:
My last day at Bagel Place came and went without much fanfare. I kept the shirt. I really miss the free Asiago bagels and Iced Mochas.  I don’t miss the getting up at 4:45 and the Burning Myself On The Panini Press.

Volunteering at the Library:
Oh my GOD you guys, I love working in a library. Even though the stuff I’m doing isn’t even that exciting. I check out and re-shelve books,  register people for classes, and sometimes I answer the phone. Mostly, though, since I’m in Youth Services, I do a lot of craft prep. I cut out crowns for the Where the Wild Things Are event that happened last Thursday. I traced acorn tops for a fall-themed  story hour and craft for 2- and 3-year olds. I counted out 70 pairs of googly eyes for the “Batty About Books” field trip event happening tomorrow. And I’m okay with that.

The best part, though, is when people mistake me for an actual librarian and ask me questions about books and resources. Today I suggested the Ramona Quimby books to a mom whose daughter loves the “Amber Brown” series, and when she came to the checkout with an armful of books, I felt like a total rock star. I love when patrons ask me to look up a title because not only do I love familiarizing myself with our collection, I also actually enjoy helping people. Who would have thought?!

I decided to volunteer because I knew that after education didn’t turn out to be what I thought, I needed to know for sure that I understood what librarians do, and if that job was for me. I guess I’m confirming, officially, that I really want this. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve decided I want to concentrate on working in public libraries, and I definitely want to focus on Youth Services (especially teen and tween services). I’m so overjoyed that the more I learn about this job, the more I just want to DO it. I only wish I didn’t have to go to grad school to get it.

Speaking of which:
Oooh, remember that novel of a post where I went on and on about waiting a year to even apply? I found out pretty fast that I’m not going to need a whole year to decide if I want to be a librarian (try a week). And that a lot of people in my position rush into grad school with not-too-much practical experience in the first place, so I’m already sort of ahead of the game with that. AND that the whole application process is not as arduous as I thought it was, and that I should probably just buck up and do it.

My new Big Stressful Issue is that I’m just not going to get into grad school at all. I don’t know if my GPA (a 3.0 even, FYI) is good enough, especially for the schools who only use your GPA from your last two years in college (WHY?). Junior year is when my whole life sort of fell apart, and it definitely shows in my GPA for that year. My mom insists that the overall pattern is favorable — A’s and B’s freshman and sophomore years, BIG CATASTROPHE OF A JUNIOR YEAR, beast-it-out 4.0 average for senior year. I guess I see her point. I’m just worried that admissions people are gonna be like, Oh I see this girl doesn’t even academically qualify, cool, let’s just toss this application ’cause it’ll make the process that much simpler. Wah!

Job Searching:
I haven’t been looking for full-time work much, because I’m not exactly sure what I’ll do with that job now that I’m so jazzed on being a librarian. I mean, by the time I actually land an interview and get hired somewhere it might be time for me to start grad school, you know?

IF I EVEN GET IN THAT IS!!! !!!!

Food, Food Mindset, and Exercise:
This section is left intentionally blank.

(A little standardized test joke there for you guys.)

(Also, I won’t bore you guys long with my food/exercise lamentations. I’m not sure why, but I really got knocked off course around the time that I started at Bagel Place, and it’s been more difficult than I thought to smack myself back into the right mindset and behaviors. THERE. THAT’S IT.)

“Extracurricular Activities”:
I tewtally went to New York with Linds to watch Ilana’s band perform at this awesome club that completely looks like The Bronze. Highlights: learning 100% more about baseball than I knew last week, getting to see Ilana perform again, creating the plot of a Lifetime movie around Ilana’s cat’s alleged eating disorder, eating lunch at an awesome Greek restaurant, and a room tiled with 2822 records.

In other news, yesterday Matt and I did the coolest things to do in New Jersey on a Wednesday night. We ate Mexican food, went bowling, and watched Glee. I learned that I bowl like a freak. And then we found the Phillies game (just to check the score) and I ended up watching the whole thing! It was pretty exciting. There was a lot of spitting. And, um, yay Phillies! I feel like kind of a fraud of saying that because I’ve never followed or even pretended to follow baseball, but I am happy for all the people I know who are lifelong fans and stuff. ::blows noisemaker, throws confetti!::

Once again, you’re welcome for this textbook of an entry. LIKE YOU WERE DOING ANYTHING COOLER.

Just hear those hay bells jing-a-ling

Hey! Check out the scariest thing I’ve ever personally produced!

I got the idea for the toothpick teeth from Food Network Magazine, of all places, and I don’t think I had any idea how creepy it was going to be until it was finished. Then my mom got mad at me because I used all of her toothpicks. Aheh. Heh.

Here’s Matthew laboring over his Bender punkin:

You’ll notice I don’t have an “after” picture. That’s because, um, Matt’s came out so freakishly awesome, it would burn your eyes to gaze upon it. ::cough:: That’s totally why I didn’t take a picture, and certainly NOT because Bender came out looking like a ghost monkey waving a stick around. Or because after a few minutes the whole thing collapsed into itself, rendering Matt’s pumpkin actually much scarier than mine.

P.S. I wish we had been cool enough to get our pumpkins in a field via hayride, but we showed up at the farmstead at 6:30, not realizing that hayrides have hours of operation limited to the daytime.

P.P.S. Did anyone else know that Springdale Farms hires like, anyone? Including nine-year-olds?! The girl who rung us up was LITERALLY nine years old. For once I’m not exaggerating. I spent the whole purchase whispering “THIS. DOESN’T. FEEL. RIGHT.” to Matt, who kicked me instead of helping me call Child Services.

***

I found a puppy.

He’s mine.

I shall name him Rodrigo.

growth by centimeters

So I went MIA from my blog, and my only entry was to lament about what is now referred to as Rock Bottom Day.

Are you surprised to hear that I have an announcement?

I quit at Bagel Place. My last day is Monday, a 6:00 – 3:30 shift, OF COURSE.

I realized pretty quickly that although the job was a decent way of making money, it was ultimately just taking energy away from the things in my life that I want to put the most effort into pursuing: grad school, more advanced work experience, a career as a librarian, and healthy eating behaviors (ah, Bagel Place’s effect on my diet…that’s another entry for another time).

I’m not going to be making money anymore. But at this time more than ever, I don’t really need to be making money. I have an opportunity to be picky about my job. I’m definitely gonna take it.

I have a confession: I suck at being a part-time employee. I don’t know what it is about my personality that causes me to completely lose any semblance of responsibility or accountability when I’m hired on an hourly wage. My jobs usually come to an end much less gracefully than this. My first job ever was at a certain discount store for housewares that will go unnamed, and I would regularly call out with fake excuses. Instead of quitting, I just stopped showing up for my shifts.

Target was the same way, and one time I simply walked out of the store fifteen minutes into my shift. I was written up for that one. My Big Disaster at HLC was when I didn’t show up (or call to let them know I wasn’t coming), turned off my phone, and went to Grounds for Sculpture with Matt. We were interrupted when my mom called Matt’s phone to tell him that HLC had called her, asking where I was. I’m not really sure why I wasn’t fired but needless to say, no one really liked me after that.

I’m not proud of my track record. But I’m finally ‘fessing up to it because I honestly think it’s behind me. Even though I only stayed at Bagel Place for 20 days, I was totally beast. My manager called me “the best trainee ever.” I showed myself that I can resist the urge to call out (even if I have nothing better to do)  and go in and do my job even when I don’t want to. And when I realized it wasn’t working out, I faced my fear of confrontation and did it in person (although I was tempted to text message it and hope for the best).

For once I’m walking out of a part-time job situation and not feeling like I royally screwed up, or that I can never walk into the place again. I’d call that growth. By centimeters maybe, but growth nonetheless.

Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Very Bad Day

Today, I was awakened at 6:40 by a phone call from my manager begging me to come in early for my 8 AM shift. I wanted to impress her and hopefully get exonerated from closing, so I showed up at 7:00. (SPOILER: I WAS NOT EXONERATED FROM CLOSING.)

The first thing I did at work was NOT get greeted or thanked by anyone. The next thing I did was to accidentally dip my shoulder into a tub of cream cheese icing. Being in a rush to re-stock some dumb forks or something, I just wiped it off and hoped for the best.

And of course our new District Manager was there, and when he jumped behind the line to help take orders, I anti-impressed him by not knowing which bagels were egg or plain (THEY LOOK THE SAME).

The first thing anyone said to me as soon as it slowed down a bit was “What the hell happened to your shirt?” Before I had a chance to sheepishly mumble an answer, someone else chimed it “It looks like someone blew a load all over your arm.” CHARMING. I walked away.

Then I messed up a refund because I can’t do math.

Then I dropped my pineapple all over the floor during break.

Then I had to clean the restrooms.

Cleaning public restrooms is a truly humbling experience. Not in a good way.

Then right before closing, my two co-workers completely bailed on me, without even telling me where they were going, to go outside and smoke a cigarette with two other employees who weren’t working today. I don’t know why this made me so furious. They came back eventually, but I still felt ostracized and taken advantage of for some reason.

Then I finally finished closing and I had to wait for like 40 minutes while my co-worker counted my drawer. Then they told me my drawer was almost $9 over the proper amount and I needed to be written up.

Then I drove home just as rush hour was beginning, which is just always lovely.

Then I came home and Fox News was on TV.

Wishing, and hoping, and thinking

I’m wishing…

…for fall weather to make its comeback. What’s with the sudden Monsoon Humidity? Me no likey.

…for Halloween plans. I have a kickass costume idea and I want to show it off!

…for an Etsy shopping spree, for a new haircut, and to finally get past this weight loss plateau that I’ve been on for the past 3 weeks.

…that people realize soon that President Obama has no plans whatsoever to transform our country into a Fascist regime.

I’m hoping…

…to be paid by Bagel Place eventually. I clocked over 40 hours in my first week and haven’t seen any cashes. What’s up with that?!

…that all of the nonfat iced mochas I’ve been consuming at work are actually 3 points apiece and not secretly, like, 8.

…to come to terms with this awkward stage of discontent with my life. I’m so ready, mentally, to be independent, but it’s just not practically or financially possible.

I’m thinking…

…that volunteering in Youth Services at the library is gonna make it so much harder to tolerate working at Bagel Place.

…that the [delicious] [freshly baked] chocolate chip cookie I splurged on today was totally worth it.

…that Glee is the sunshine of my life right now.

Did you want that toasted, sir?

Things I can do now that I couldn’t do last week:

• cut a bagel in less than 3 seconds
• make fancy Italian espresso drinks — the ones you order at Starbucks
• hold and manipulate searing hot food items without flinching or crying out in pain
• tell people I actually have a job
• fall asleep at 10:30 every night
• and then wake up at 5 AM (6 AM shift. Lame.)
• afford to buy a Wii (should I go for it?!)

The joys of employment are many and varied.

This week: THE GRE OMFG, Training At The Library Squee! and In Which Melissa Works at the Bagel Place from 6 to Close. Wish me luck!

Aggh, they took my freakin’ kidneys!

The things Katie and I spent this weekend doing, in order of frequency:

1. chat.
2. chat.
3. chat.
4. chat.
5. reading tarot fortunes

(A note about the chatting: when I’m with anyone but my high school and college friends, I’m downright taciturn. I’m normally pretty shy and quiet in person. But some people allow me to be myself, open the floodgates and let it all pour out. Katie is one of those people. I think she must have spent 70% of that weekend just listening to me jabber. [Kate, you're the best ])

Tarot is the easiest way besides a Ouija board to freak yourself out on a Saturday night. I mean, some of the cards are eerie just to look at:

See? That’s “The Hanged Man.” What the HELL, man?

Then you look up the meaning and it’s all uncannily accurate, like “You have finally made a decision that you have been waffling on for some time,” or something, and you’re like WTF CARDS! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT? YOU’RE PAPER!

I know what you are going to say — you are going to say, “Melissa, think about how many people have ‘finally made a decision’ in the course of a day or even a few hours. That could apply to almost anyone.”  To which I say, “SHUNNN THE NONBELIEVER. SHUNNN.”

Craaaap.

What the question says:

The gas tank of Frank’s car can hold 18 gallons of gas. If gas costs $2.34/gallon and Frank spends no more than $130 on gas every month, what is the max. number of times he can refill his gas tank in a month? (Assume that each refill entails purchasing 18 gallons of gas.)

What I read:

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLOO BLEE BLAH YOU WILL BOMB THE MATH SECTION OF THE GRE BECAUSE YOU DEVELOPED A POOR APTITUDE FOR  MATH AT AN EARLY AGE DUE TO AN INNATE  LACK OF ATTENTION TO DETAIL AND TO THE ONE-SIDED FOSTERING OF YOUR WRITING ABILITIES BY MULTIPLE TEACHERS.

I can haz math tutor?!?!

overreactions abound!

Okay, so meeting with Real Life Librarians went ridiculously awesome; the two youth services librarians are fun and vibrant and pretty and only a little older than me, and I think they like me a lot.  They said they could use a volunteer on Tuesday and Thursday and the occasional Saturday, to fill in the gap that another volunteer created when she left.

I’d be looking up materials in the database, checking people out, answering the phones and registering people for classes — 15 hours a week, tops. They want to help expose me to all different aspects of librarianship. I’m SUPER EXCITED and I want to start RIGHT NOW.

Okay, here’s the part that has me renting my garments: I kind of already closed up Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays by becoming employed by Bagel Place. When I filled out my application, I arbitrarily picked Monday as my “off” day (as well as Sunday, a day on which I legitimately can’t work ), just so I knew I’d have at least one day free to research grad schools, apply for full-timey jobs, and bum around.

Then I made a tiny kerfuffle with my manager at my orientation when I saw she’d scheduled me for a Monday. I was all “I’m sooo sorry but I just absolutely canNOT work Mondays, it was part of my availability constraints!” Why did I do this? I do not know.

So now I have to tell her, “Aheh, heh, remember when I said that I ‘absolutely canNOT’ work Mondays? Well, as it turns out, I can. But instead, take me off the schedule for three other days of the week. Sorryyyyy.”

Rahhh. Maybe I wouldn’t be so miffed about this if my morning’s telephone duty session hadn’t been so full of Crazies and Loonies. A nasty patron who’s been MIA in the community for several years suddenly decided to start telephonically terrorizing the library again on the very day that I fill in for the secretary. Also, a weird drug-dealer looking guy came in demanding to see the comptroller, and the notary and I had to make up excuses for her not being around. AND this lady from the computer lab kept calling me, thinking I was the real secretary, and then treating me like her own personal reference desk! Ma’am, I don’t KNOW who’s in charge of the magazines, and even if I did, you can go find her yourself — you work in the same building!

I mean, was it so much to ask to not throw Uncomplicated Yet Bothersome-To-Fix Schedule Conflicts into the mix? Can’t a girl get a break around here??